I found myself wiping those oval droplets again.. for the 4th time. Wonder why I suck at being a human being.. why can’t I be a fucking cheebye, have a definite stand on every decision I made?
Oval Water Droplets
Apocalypse has arrived. The black columbus lurking around the heavens, as it signifies the pitfall of its own emotions, plummeting to the lowest ebb possible. All of a sudden, heaven loses its gates and the ground starts to get inundated after a torrential downfall of water droplets.
Never knew I will tear for you somehow. I wonder how and why. I didn’t expect it happen like this. Its just too.. preposterous. The last time was because of Zoe (blog post below). And now.. you. When I do that.. it an omen. So..
My Fate
What can I do to improve my family’s life? Everyday now and then, tense, stifling air lingers in the house. I don’t even feel myself there anymore, just like a silhouette weaping in despair. I always told myself to be strong, because there is nothing much I could do but whenever I see this happening, I could feel something pulling against my windpipe, forbidding me from breathing.
I do not even want to continue because my right brain feels like a person trapped in a maze, struggling to escape. Its intricate, feelings and everything but one thing is that ..
It sucks because whenever you feel woe swallowing you up, you will be constantly reminded how jovial your personality actually is in reality and that’s when you feel even more miserable.
I got myself freed from a horrific yet meaningful relationship 7 months back. Sounds paradoxical but it was the turning point in my life; it changes how I perceive relationships in the late 2010s.
I got together with this girl named Sally (An anonymous name again for privacy purposes). We met on Tinder and both of us having our fingers swiped to the right when we chanced upon each profile. I was doing this because I THOUGHT and I FELT I have had moved on from my previous muse (Zoe; see previous posts)
She was then 20, working as a full time in the retail line. Long wavy blonde hair (which she dyed back to black after that), sharp chin and which many of my peers thought we were siblings given the close resemblance.
We started out talking, hanging out and basically doing what couples always do. Apparently, 1 month after that, I got into a intimate relationship with her.
Everything was new and exciting back then. I thought I had found the one better than Zoe. She is loyal, decisive, assertive and affectionate. I kinda fancied her back then and I really loved her, poured every ince of my feelings for her.
Things started to change as her assertive personality seemed to caught up upon me, having a nice, diplomatic and conflict-free personality becomes unbearable against her as her personality seemed to overwhelmed me in every extent. She became intolerant at any of simplest indecisive behaviour, and whenever something doesn’t seem to go with her way, I will be the first blood from her wraith and irate. I kept quiet, and flabbergasted at the same time.
Once, I attended a HARDWELL music festival at Gardens By The Bay. She threw a tantrum because she wasn’t happy with me going to dance with my other group of friends that consisted one of the girls I have danced before in Zoukout 2014. I understood her predicament however, I insisted on going because the guys there were my best friends and I have absolutely no interest in dealing with the girls there because I’m more interested in the music and raving. She raged on, and I reluctantly followed her instead. Throughout the festival, she continued her tantrums by complaining about the heat and warmth in the middle of the crowd and reported that she was dehydrated. Frantically, I rushed her outside the scene and brought her to the water cooler. She was relieved and her tantrums started again evem when I thought I could rave again. I was indecisive of what drinks to buy and she grew so irritated of me and frowned throughout the whole performance. And foolishly, I kept quiet and when friends asked me about us, I lied to them and defended her: ” She was just irritated because of the heat. I went to take care of her and she became alright. “
Foolish isn’t it? Why didn’t I speak out?
As time goes by, things start to rampant up as she grew more and more intolerant of small matters such as not calling her before sleep.
That night, I was having urgent family matters and so I couldn’t call. She hurled sarcastic remarks at me and I had to deal with both family matters and her. I was so distraught.. I was lost, and I shed a few tears that night and put up some depressing Tweets on Twitter. And once again, I didn’t tell her about my misery.
You must be wondering how stupid I was right?
As months go by, I was in a distraught once again. Her egoistic, obnoxious and dominant personality kept overwhelming me. I explained my predicament to my close friends (John, Ben) and they insisted me on breaking up because I wasn’t happy. However, I kept on fooling myself that I was appreciating her good sides and loving for who she is.
Things start to change, John (my best dude) quarrelled with her. It was so heated up and it ended up both of them ending their friendship. I was stuck in the middle .. unsure of what to do.. eventually, both of them hated each other and .. I stood there feeling lost again.
NOTE TO GIRLS/WOMEN: Never ever quarrel or let your egoistic head get over you when in a heated up arguement with your date’s best friend. If this happens, you are immediately out of the date’s list. (Apparently I didn’t break up with her because I really loved her)
Having said so much .. what happened to both of us in the end?
She was continuing her ways; being so obnoxious, and our relationship got really toxic in such a way that I couldn’t be or act like myself in the relationship. I had to be another person, and it made me really uncomfortable.
That day before Halloween..
I brought her to a scary scene in Bugis Plus and I treated her to tickets there (because I wanted to cheer her up even tho I wasn’t sure what she was unhappy about). We had dinner and we sat down on a bench before entering.
That night was a Friday night. Routine wise, both of us would meet every Saturday night and so that Friday night, she was asking if I would be able to meet her the next day (Saturday) as it was our routine meet up. However, I told her I would be meeting Ben since he was out from confinement and I felt I needed a catch up with him, not only that, I asked if I could meet her another day since I would be engaged at Zouk Halloween after meeting Ben in the afternoon. She immediately raged, because she knew that same girl that I danced with on ZoukOut 2014 would be going as well. She started fuming mad and argued: ” You didn’t even bother to spend time with me and now you are going to Zouk with that girl? ”
For fuck sake, after like 8 months together.. can’t you realise I ain’t no fuckboy? And I was and am a true fans of EDM, I go Zouk solely for the music. Lastly, I am not even going to dance with that girl because I wouldn’t be hanging out her in the first place. FOR FUCK SAKE, WHY WOULD I HANG OUT WITH A GIRL WHEN I WAS ATTACHED? WHERE WAS YOUR TRUST IN ME?!
I told her that and she kept frowning and gave me the silent treatment.
HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIN.
Throughout the whole Halloween event, we stayed quiet and awkward and I kept asking her if she was alright. She gave me the silent treatment and I was mentally and emotionally tortured for 45 mins until the last straw and I told her: Lets go home. I sent her back to Serangoon mrt and make her go back on her own. I WAS so mad… and I thought.. of John’s words:
Carry out decision which makees you happy. Your happiness is your priority.
I tried to break up with her but it was unsuccessful. She came to my residences and persuaded not to because she will ” change “(OH WOW) Being a soft-hearted and easily guilt trip kinda man, I accepted her apology and we got back together.
However, that didn’t last long..
1 week later, the same thing happened again. It was John’s birthday and she invited the same girl I danced with in Zoukout 2014.
She somehow knew about this and kept asking me if she was coming. I told her she was coming .. and here we go fucking go again; hurling sarcastic remarks at me. It was the exact same words: Yeah, go have fun and not worry about me. YES I WILL GO HAVE FUN AND NOT WORRY ABOUT YOU BECAUSE ALL YOU DID WAS TO HURL SARCASTIC COMMENTS AND NOT UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE SITUATION.
It was John’s birthday. I was in no position in demanding who not to invite and he is my best friend, how could I not attend his party?!
And the next day, I broke up with her and there she went again, trying to persuade me not to. I was strong at my will, and rejected her apology this time round. Strangely at the end of the whole trilogy, she left off fuming mad and I was like: ” Bruh, you didn’t know how delightful I was to get out of this misery. ”
In all fairness, I wished her all the best and I really hope you could find somebody who can appreciate you.
There are 2 points to take away from these
1st Point is.. everybody has a battle to fight. Mine was family matters, and when I was settling some family matters, you chose run salt onto my wound by throwing tantrums. A girlfriend should understand that family is the first and foremost on our priority list hierachy. Why would you give me so much trouble when you knew I have alot to settle at home? Why? Why can’t you understand me more? Why did you have to pick on my insecurities and negative traits? What kind of girlfriend does that? Why didnt you realise how mentally taxing that was?
2nd point is..
You guys might wonder why I was so foolish not to speak out my predicaments to her?
I loved her.. and I am afraid my comments might hurt her and she gets even angrier. (Fuck, why would I care about these? A person should improve oneself and apparently she was too stubborn to do so).
I do not like to engage in conflicts, I gave in too much and I apologised too much.. Aplogised too much ( even at stuffs that I wasn’t in the wrong – thats what you always do for love) so those are my excuses as well ..
After all these drama.. it was long over.
Dear Sally,
I hope you see this and at the same time, I hope you really think about this and find somebody else who can appreciate you. It was great knowing you even tho you appeared in my life for 9 months. Thanks to you, I have changed, to a much stronger and wiser homosapien. Adios.
Your regards,
Kaixian
Protected: Are you the one?
A new year of aspirations built from precedent year of dreams.
The advent of 2015 not only excites me but also allows me to have that opportunity to reflect on Year 2014. Year 2014 has not been the best of year for me as I faced multiple difficulties and obstacles along the way. In fact, one year ago when I visited the FengShui Master, he predicted 2014 would be a disaster for me. I do not hold my beliefs in this but at least, he proved me wrong at a rate of 70%. Setbacks and happy moments formed
the part and parcel of my 2014 life and I am grateful for all the moments and events that happened in my 2014 life as those moments were there for me to grow up as well-refined 18 year old and allowed me to further experience into the deeper trenches of life.
SOOOOOOO WITHOUT GOING FURTHER ADO, LET’S SEE AN OVERALL VIEW ON KAIXIAN’S 2014 LIFE:
- Fitness level.
They said some are born to have a injury prone trait while some said they are injruy-free. I’m the former. Let me list the injuries I got from 2014 Jan to Dec.
(1) More than 5 incidents of ankle sprain.
(2) 3 incidents of knee injury (hyper-extended knee)
(3) Shoulder nerve injury
(4) Blistered palm exposing the meat.
(5) Sciatica nerve injury (I’m still having this injury till now)
That explains why I’m so disgruntled about my fitness level as I have to to take frequent rests from exercises such as Football and Calisthenics.
- Calisthenics
Calisthenics has formed a vital part of my fitness regime and my core training. Days ago, I celebrated my 2 years in training calisthenics and I would say I progressed far more than what I have expected. From clinching my first clean muscle up to clean typewriters, I am very impressed with my improvement and the only thing that kept me going was intrinsic motivation. Once you have that motivation, you will never stop. I would like to thank Justin Sim for helping me out with my trainings, Ben and John for their never-ending support. Thank you! Without you guys, I wouldn’t have that progress as of today, neither I would have that abs as well HAHAHA.
By the way, I am creating an instagram page for our calisthenics group therefore, stay tuned to it!
- Football
The field is my second home. My passion towards football is so immense that I will get really pissed if I don’t score a goal on that day. I would scream at my teammates if they aren’t playing up to their expectations.
Proud to be the captain of DuaLan FC, I always enjoyed the company and the weekly Sunday game at the field. Playing the position as a striker, I always get numerous opportunities to score in front of the goal. However, I couldn’t do so as I wasn’t that prolific enough. I wasn’t too composed. I always got criticised for that. I didn’t give up, I knew I have put in my best effort in every game.
Therefore, for the year 2015, I hope to be more skillful and clinical when it comes to scoring. CHEERS TO DUALAN FC. HUAT.
- Academic
Qualifications? Everybody yearns to have good results and have it as a platform for them to do better in the future. Exceptions: Complacent students.
For the past semesters, I have achieved my targeted GPA of more than 3.5 and I am delighted about it. However, I felt that I can always do better than what I am doing right now. There is always some kind of allowance or void that I can’t cross over in order to get that GPA 4.0 After my 2 years in poly, I have yet to find the reason. Is it due to my intelligence? Is it because I’m not hardworking enough? Do I suit poly life? Are projects affecting my theoretical tests? I do not know.
Anyways, I will be approaching my third year soon and internship is imminent for me. I will have to step up if I want to maintain my grade at year 3.
- Beach Parties
Beach parties? Yes, I turned legal on 23 September 2014 and I’m happy to say that I’m able to enter into clubs, and do stuffs that any legal person is able to do.
ZoukOut 2014 was the first beach party I participated in. I went with the RioVista Squad and it was one of the most traumatizing experience ever. Alright Alright, I have to admit that the music was good but I did not like the atmosphere there. As in, I like to rave and dance and do what a clubber normally does. Firstly, the girls there were superficial. They only accompanied you if you had that brilliance aura or that aesthetically built body. Secondly, I noticed there were gays over there. Yes. Gays. Holy shit.
Let’s not talk about that.
Anyways, the music was electrifying indeed however, it wasn’t up to my expectation. Showtek wasn’t as brilliant as I thought. Their ZoukOut performance wasn’t as good as those Miami Music Festival. I would have understood if they are performing for a small festival such as ZoukOut so they weren’t as hype as they were in the Miami Music Festival. They had to be more engaging with the crowd though..
Martin Garrix was one of the best DJs there. The crowd was so enthusiastic when the DJ came up. I could remember the crowd jumping hysterically when the song Helicopter came on. Next was Skrillex, damn.. The whole crowd was just bouncing up and down to the music. It was so hilarious and nonsensical that we left early home during Skrillex performance.
OH. THE CLIQUE LEFT THE CROWD WHEN SHOWTEK WAS SPINNING BAD 😦 It was such a mistake for leaving ..
However, with those sensational vibes and boisterous company, I sure enjoyed myself for the first beach party of my life. AT LAST, THE BEACH PARTY VIRGIN HAS FINALLY BEEN BROKEN OFF HAHAHA. Let’s move on to Siloso Beach Party.
Well well, I went there with the poly cliques solely because my RioVista Squad were out either overseas or with their parents. 😦 Anyways, we went there for the countdown party and let just say the party wasn’t as good as it was for ZoukOut. I would understand because Siloso Beach Party wasn’t as grand as ZoukOut. Yes, I understand.
I hate dubstep. I seriously don’t think anyone could dance to that except to bounce up and down like a rubber ball with perpetual conversion of energy. Brian was feeling groggy so he went home early. Tsk. Anyways, we gave up and went to Azzura Beach Club and there was the real shit with progressive EDMs and a female DJ. Yes, a female DJ. She definitely deserves my utmost respect. However, there was a fight over there between two females HAHAHA. God what a show when they started pulling each others’ hair. Out of nowhere, there was a guy with a right hook to the female’s cheek. DAMN.
We ended up on the beach, talking about our lives and discussing 2015 resolutions. It was this point of time when you realised you had so much to say even though we weren’t very close. The ambiance there was just right for the topic. What an eventful December.
So ultimately, I really think partying/clubbing once a while is alright but as long as you don’t over-exceed because once you start clubbing, it is gonna be very addictive. Cash will flow out of your wallet like River Nile and your energy will be drained like a hungry vacuum cleaner.
- DAC’06
Year 2014 was indeed an eventful year with DAC’06. When I said eventful, it means we completed goals together as a class. I seriously think our class should win a best class award because we are so bonded. We attended chalets together, CIPs, steamboats, and birthday parties, I couldn’t explain how much we enjoyed ourselves as a class. Like what I said: It doesn’t matter if you live in the North, South, East, West or Vietnam, as long as your are in DAC’06, you guys will always live in my heart. Yeah, I will remember you guys for the memories that we have shared. Memories that will never fade.
I want to give the biggest shoutout to Aiman and Sang Hui. Thanks Aiman for sticking by me when I needed help, whether its for relationship, friendship, academics etc. Thanks bro for being there for me.
Yes, Sang Hui, don’t be shocked while reading this. Thanks a lot man, I do not need to say it out exactly because you know you helped me a lot. Thanks sis.
So, DAC’06 lets hope to achieve greatness and GPA 4.0 for 2015! 🙂
- The RioVista Squad/ RV gang
Fuck you people but I still love you guys. Keep this friendship till we die. I have no words for you’ll because I’m like meeting you guys everyday. LOL
Sorry for the profanities.
- Wing Chun
Its the 3rd year learning the Martial Art and I would say this martial art has not only boost my confidence but also taught me an important lesson on life. In Wing Chun, you use softness to overcome the strength by the opponent. That applies to life as well. When life gets you hard which is inevitable, step back to figure out, and solve the problem in the end.
3rd year, and I’m continuing to be a better fighter each week and this wouldn’t be possible without my master, Daryl Yeo and my fellow KungFu brother, Justin Sim, ( INFACT, JUSTIN CAN’T DO WELL WITHOUT ME HAHAHA. Okay I’m just joking). 3 years into Wing Chun, and it allows me to have a better understanding of this art and structure. It also trains my core strength as I handle stronger opponents. I really hope I can handle heavyweight people by the end 2015 and I’m surely looking forward to that day when I can say: ” I did it. ”
Anyways, if you’re interested in becoming the next Ip Man okay not.. uhm.. if you’re interested in this art, visit my master’s main website: darylyeowc.com CHEERS.
So in conclusion..
Wait
It hasn’t end yet
- Relationships
If you have followed closely to my previous blogposts, you will realise this particular sector is the main event of my year 2014. So.. after that day on 14th September, we stopped talking and I realised that everything had ended and I must accept that fact that there’s no way turning back. There wasn’t any point in discussing the fault in favour of who’s, I just have to move on. For the rest of 2014, I tried to move on. I tried to push that thought away each time I visited to the place we have been before. e.g. Gardens by the Bay, Marina Bay Sands..
I have met many people who shared the same views, opinions and predicaments as me. I do not wish for anything, I do not have any other intentions, and I do not have any other high hopes. All I want is to be friends and not be awkward. That’s all.
However, the situation right now doesn’t seem to be very ideal now. The drama with the troubled protagonists still goes on and I have absolutely no idea on how to end this..
Perhaps..
Maybe..
I do not know.
You gave no shit about it.
Probably I should not as well?
2015
Yes, few things I hope to achieve.
- Please, I have got to score goals soon and stop assisting. Damn.
- Destroy a heavyweight champion
- Have a good idea for my future entrepreneurship.
- GPA 4.0
- girls. HAHAHAHH
Yeah.. a transition from 2014 to 2015.. I have become a well-refined man. A man who makes prudent decisions, knows how to handle relations better and most importantly become somewhat I have dreamt to be.
The transition from 2014 to 2015. I heave a sigh of relief as the year 2015 starts, and I know it will be another year of ups and downs again but hail no worries, hail no fear, Kaixian is here.
Yesterday’s regrets begets today’s resolutions. Tell me I can’t do it because I’m always ready to eradicate your dubious mindset of me.
Alright, I wish to conclude here and may 2015 be a blessed year for all the readers out there. Here are some pictures to end off.
With this, I shall end off here and goodbye. See ya soon!
– MinistryOfKaixian
Protected: Depression?
GET SOME UPDATES ON KAIXIAN
It has been some time since the last post.. Well, clearly I have been getting myself involved in some activities to move on. Alright so lets get on with what happened to Kai Xian this week.
RUN BABY RUN, DON’T EVER LOOK BACK.
I started the week with a fresh movie in mind and as the title suggests, the movie I watched was Maze Runner. I heard it was adapted from a book and I thought: ” Why not watch the movie since the trailer was quite awesome?” Well, my decision paid off because throughout the whole movie, I was so engrossed in the movie that I’m not even aware of my friends calling my name. HAHAHA. I was like a deaf in the cinema on that day. ALRIGHT, WANT SOME SPOILERS? The …. died. HAHA. Alright, I shall not spoil it but then in my opinion, the movie is highly rated and my rating for it ranges from 7.5 to a 9. Well, so its worth watching it.
Sentosa adventures and mania.
On Wednesday, I headed down to Sentosa with ma sexy dudes; Japheth, John, Ben and Gabe for a awesome shit suntan session. HOWEVER, I got a fucking migraine in the morning and I thought I couldn’t make it for the trip but then I survived that shit painful experience and I rushed down to Sentosa. We started off with a virgin GoKart experience and I would say that it was quite thrilling. You guys should not hesitate to pay the price for it because its quite worthwhile to spend the money to have some fun. Shortly after that, we headed to Siloso Beach and our “mission” starts immediately. * Showtek – Booyah on the speakers * We took off our shirts and roamed the whole beach for targets but then it was more than just deserted at that time so we headed to palawan beach for more chances. But still to no avail. We decided to head back to Siloso to try again. BAMMMM. There was a sudden influx of foreign targets. Japheth and John decided to give it a try and in the end they managed to hook up onto two Korean targets HAHAAH. Alright I wasn’t involved because I was busy honing my football skills on the sandy beach. Oh ya!!! We workout-ed on the beach and it was so god damn solid that I was panting profusely at the end of the workout. Well, that was to keep my muscles toned under the sun. Damn anyway, we swam and suntanned. Alright, my skin peeled off when I got home even though I put on the Suntanning oil. DAMN.
Dinner was the real deal as we indulged in a sensational Sukiya buffet. I managed to catch up on my calories intake of 2910 buy wolfing down 9 plates of chicken and also 4 plates of pork. I’m sucha beast when it comes to buffet. HAHAHA.
By the way, targets are those femme fetales on the beach.
Institute of Chartered Accountants in England and Wales (ICAEW)
Sigh, ICAEW is an optional exam which I opt to take because I thought it will be good to have a other great qualification in case of rainy days. Ben also took the exam so we studied with the sample paper. Guess what? 2 HOURS FOR ONE INCOME STATEMENT AND FINANCIAL STATEMENT. DAMN HELL. How am I gonna complete the paper in time? Well……… welcome to accounting.
Injury prone Kaixian
I was hit by the doctor’s news that I maybe out for soccer for a month at least. MY HEART LITERALLY SHATTERED INTO PIECES. omg, how am I gonna be fit in time against Nazmi’s team? After all, I’m the captain of that team and I should be playing in the team.. sigh I think I will be on the sidelines on that day. Blame me for being such an injury prone player and my friends called my Abou Diaby. I quite agree.
Go look up for Abou Diaby and you shall know what I meant.
BEE BEE QUEUE AH?
The week ended with a bbq in Riovista with ma dudes again. I could describe the bbq experience as one word: Sensational. From marinating the food to bbq-ing the food, everything was just purely awesome.
tip for marinating chicken wings.
1st, get frozen chicken wings (DUH)
What you need:
– lemon pepper powder
– dark soya sauce
– Sesame oil
– A little bit of sugar and salt
Pour them all into a tray and marinate them. They taste superb especially the skin after bbq-ing.
However i felt that we needa to have some improvements in how we way handle the money etc.
- When we want to calculate the money needed to be paid per person, we need to take the total cost divide by the total number of people and then from there, we calculate how much do we need to compensate or deficit from each individual. for fuck sake. So for example, if each person has to pay $30 but I contributed $35, I need to get back $5. Simple as that.
- We need to list down all the food that we are going to buy and not decide at the last minute. That’s because we will end up buying huge volume of the same food and we will end up getting sick of the same food. Anyways, we bought 6kg of chicken wings to be shared among 8 people. BEAST MODE.
- When we are starting the fire, let’s not have like 5 people crowding the fireplace. Please, we aren’t doing a ritual HAHAHAH. We just need two persons over there settling the fire. If not, there will be pandemonium and unnecessary quarrels created.
So that’s it, I am looking forward to the next bbq with the dudes again!
Once a gunner, always a gunner.
Those who knows me well, will know that I’m an Arsenal fan and there’s no way I will be skipping the match against Aston Villa @ Villa Park on Saturday.
I will not narrate the match but I will point out some key notes.
- Mikel Arteta shall only appear against small teams. He is 33 years old and will soon be a liability to the team. Damn.. Does he really play a Central Defensive Mid position (CDM)? When the opponent counter-attacks, he will always be missing.. Wenger has to take note of this. However, he is the captain so we don’t really have a choice
- Ramsey is just a normal player. He isn’t talented but he is at the peak of his career. A hardworking lad and I respect him a lot. However, today isn’t his day because his passes aren’t really up to his standard and he gave away too much balls. Well..
- Ozil is back. I could see a huge difference when he was played as the No.10 role as the Central Attacking Mid position (CAM). Getting an assist and hitting behind the net today. What a day he had.
- Rosicky and Campbell don’t deserve to sit on the bench. They deserve more quality time on the pitch but then.. we have so many players of the same position..
- Jack Grealish from Aston Villa is someone who can be a real star in the future. Watch him.
The game won 3-0 in favour of Arsenal. Goals from Ozil, Welbeck and an own goal from Aly CIsshoko. LMAO AHAHAH.
Alright, come on boys. Let’s look forward to the game against the shit spurs next saturday! COYG!
So that’s basically what I done this week. Well, a week full of activities. Probably that’s how I get on with life.
My fault, my negligence.
It has been a while since I blogged. You will discover the reasons in just a short while and yes, today’s topic is going to be about myself and how I negligently lose one of my greatest love in my life.
Please bear with me.
On the 22 Jan 2014, Wednesday, it seems like a normal day to me. School, projects, exams and other school related stuffs. However, I have a SPOT interview, its like a interview to pick out outstanding talents in SP so I had no idea why I was involved in it. Minutes before the interview, my good friend, Yang Zhao told me that there’s one cute girl who was gonna be in the same interview room as me. He told me that her name was Zoe* (An anonymous name to protect the privacy of the girl) and I didn’t pay much attention to the details. I went into the interview room and I glanced the small room and I immediately felt dejected because I knew it was going to be another boring interview session. Minutes after the interview has started, a girl who fairly looks like some girl next door, walked in and obviously she was late. Normally, I’m always angry at people who are late for meetings. However, instead of looking at her with furrowed eyebrows, I gave her a puzzled look as if I have seen her before. She settled in awkwardly and sat beside me. Well, at first, I couldn’t care less until she introduced herself to be Zoe. I stole a glance at to my right and quickly whatsapped YangZhao. She has the most amazing voice I have ever heard. holy mother cow. The interview went on with the interviewees trying to know each other more. FINALLY, the interview ended and I decide to make my move by helping her to open the door. Well, I didn’t manage to do so but instead the door stalled while she was trying to open. I smiled genuinely at her silliness because she needed to press a particular button in order for her to open the door. She turned back and looked at me and I immediately had a secret eye-candy on her because her eyes are just so nice.. Later didn’t I know that this small little crush on her would further lead to other events..
On the way home, I kept mentioning her name in front of Yang Zhao and forced him to tell me more about her. HAHAHA. I even threatened him man. what a joke. Anyways, I went home and checked the email that the teacher has sent us about the SPOT interview. What I discovered next may seem ridiculous to the readers but then.. damn it was crazy. Her email address was sitting next to my email address under the ” To ” section. I knew we are somehow fated so starting from that day, I made a resolution that I was going all out for this girl. yes, it was crazy and ridiculous!
The next few weeks remained normal except for those times when I would see her during Economics lecture. I would keep stealing glances at her and well I got caught once or twice. Then, here came the big exams and I didn’t have the time to keep on noticing her. During that period of time, I asked Yang Zhao for her facebook and I tried to add her as friends. AND HOLY !@#$$^#%&$* she accepted my friend request. Next, I asked him for her twitter. Well, she took longer to follow me back. Finally, her instagram. I was like ” MAN DOWN! “. You guys might think that her following me on twitter and instagram was just a small issue, but then I never felt so happy about it. I jumped for joy. Literally. My friends thought I’m mad. Yes, mad over a girl.
During the holidays, I didn’t think too much about her because I was busy doing my own stuffs and I didn’t have her number yet so.. I couldn’t do anything to contact her. School reopened and I was so not looking forward to it. However, guess what, I saw her again at the MRT gantry again and I was like.. ” fate? ” I knew I had to take action before somebody else does. I mean.. why wouldn’t a guy date a girl like her?
For the next three weeks, I knew she is in the same Audit and Taxation lectures as me. I couldn’t hide my jubilation because my plan was still working. On the 3rd week of school, I decided to take action and approached her for her number. That was the first time I was doing so, therefore I was super duper crazily anxious that I couldn’t sleep the night before. I was constantly asking Johnathan on how I should approach a girl and all those stuffs. He was so fed up with me and he scolded me: ” eh cb, you got balls or not?” ( dont mind the vulgarity) I was like, oh damn..
I remembered clearly in my head that it was a Monday 5/5/2014 so it was an Audit lecture. So, mustering my courage, I looked for her in the lecture hall with the help of my friends. GOD DAMN IT, SHE WENT TO THE TOILET and the lecture was starting soon.. so I thought my chance was gone then . . .
I got up from my seat and asked Aiman to come along with me to the foodcourt. On the way out .. BOOM. BOOM. FUCKING BOOM. She was standing outside the door and she opened the door. BOOM. She walked in looking down and I stood rooted to the ground ( p.s. she crashed into a fire extinguisher). I felt as if my heart just stopped beating for a second. At the corner of my eye, Aiman walked away to avoid the awkwardness. When she was just about to walk off, I spoke confidently : ” Hey, have I seen you before? ” From then on, everything went smoothly and I asked: ” How can I contact you?” BAM. She smiled at me (holy mother, it was good) and gave me her number. GOD. That moment was so gold and because of it I couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the lecture.
The next few weeks was trying to know her more and stuffs. The time passed with dates and mini dates. Those times were just precious and it was those times that I never felt so blessed before. We explored parks, watched the fireworks together and whispered cute stuffs into each other’s ears. It was literally the honeymoon period for us. I loved her more than I could say and I knew that one day I would not be able to live without her. I love her.
There was one time when she had chicken poxes and I couldn’t see her in school for 3 weeks. It was so miserable. Screw that chicken pox.
Happiness is perpetual.
I chose to believe that and I chose to believe that true love equates to happiness. Though falling heads over heels was such a cliche, but then it was those moments we shared that made it something special.
Things went perfectly well until we started to talk lesser. We were both confused about our feelings because we weren’t sure if we wanted this relationship. Things started to get real complicated and we ended up quarreling and not talking to each other anymore. I was so heart-broken because at that point of time, I couldn’t believe that everything had to come to an end just like this.. Surely, I couldn’t let go just like this.
However, things started to turn for a better because we started talking again. I was concerned about a voodoo doll in Woodlands and told her to be careful of it. From then, we started talking and I firmly told her that I was still in love with her and hoped to have a second chance from her. Waiting for her reply was just like waiting for my O level results.
Approximately 11.49 pm, she replied. She decided to give US a chance as she still liked me a lot. ” US ” means that we were ready to go for a relationship.
I COULDN’T SLEEP THAT NIGHT BECAUSE IT WAS SO AWESOME.
ya’know that feeling when we can start afresh after confirming both of our feelings. I love her. I know I can’t screw this up again because if I do, there will no turning back. On that night, I started to plan everything..
I chose to believe happiness is perpetual until thursday on that week.. when she didn’t reply me for the whole day. We were supposed to go out on Friday and I thought she was just playing with my feelings and didn’t reply me. I was so scared because I did not know what to do in this situation.. I really don’t know. I thought she was playing games. I thought and i thought.. Have I done something wrong?
Sunday which is today.. will be the day which she will leave for China. I do not wish the reveal what she told me but then I can say everything is over. WHY? MY OWN FAULT AND NEGLIGENCE.
alright let me tell you my plans.
Friday:
– Take her out on a date, accompany her to watch the Maze Runner (heard its awesome).
– Take her out to a park and ask her for a relationship.
– Prepare her a bouquet of roses at the moment of confession.
Sigh.
Sunday:
– Send her off to China and give her a goodbye hug.
– Give her 3 letters and a box of chocolate.
It seemed so ideal in the beginning but its all fairy tales now.
Why would I say its my fault and negligence?
I was “hot and cold” when we text and I’m truly sorry for that and causing you to have confused feelings about us.
I thought it was her playing games and I was so scared that I do not how to respond to the situation.
If I had continue with the plan on that day and not try to be a PHTG bastard in the beginning, we could have been a couple for 2 days as of 14/9/2014. I didn’t see it coming.. Ya’know I still love you a lot and don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t trying to play games. You misunderstood my intent, and I was ready to get into a relationship with you. But then.. sigh. everything went haywire because of me. Now everything’s over..
I’m sorry for breaking your heart, it was all due to me.. i’m sorry for causing you to be in this state. I’m sorry.
In conclusion, for the past 4 months of dating her.. I made several mistakes in handling situations like this. Everything seemed so smooth and nice in the beginning and if I had been more prudent in handling such stuffs, none of these would have happened. However, its parts and parcels of life, I need to face the setback. I learn from my mistakes and I accept this as part of my life-long learning.
I know you’re in China right now so I hope you have safely reached there and its gonna be fun there I supposed. I want you can quickly forget about me and move on because I want you to be happy. That applies to me as well.
Dear god, the only thing I asked of you was to hold her hands when I’m not around. When I’m much too far away
You’re always my happy pill. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.
Goodbye.
No hurries. I will wait.
I am patient and we shouldn’t make rash decisions. I will wait.
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