I got myself freed from a horrific yet meaningful relationship 7 months back. Sounds paradoxical but it was the turning point in my life; it changes how I perceive relationships in the late 2010s.

I got together with this girl named Sally (An anonymous name again for privacy purposes). We met on Tinder and both of us having our fingers swiped to the right when we chanced upon each profile. I was doing this because I THOUGHT and I FELT I have had moved on from my previous muse (Zoe; see previous posts)

She was then 20, working as a full time in the retail line. Long wavy blonde hair (which she dyed back to black after that), sharp chin and which many of my peers thought we were siblings given the close resemblance.

We started out talking, hanging out and basically doing what couples always do. Apparently, 1 month after that, I got into a intimate relationship with her.

Everything was new and exciting back then. I thought I had found the one better than Zoe. She is loyal, decisive, assertive and affectionate. I kinda fancied her back then and I really loved her, poured every ince of my feelings for her.

Things started to change as her assertive personality seemed to caught up upon me, having a nice, diplomatic and conflict-free personality becomes unbearable against her as her personality seemed to overwhelmed me in every extent. She became intolerant at any of simplest indecisive behaviour, and whenever something doesn’t seem to go with her way, I will be the first blood from her wraith and irate. I kept quiet, and flabbergasted at the same time.

Once, I attended a HARDWELL music festival at Gardens By The Bay. She threw a tantrum because she wasn’t happy with me going to dance with my other group of friends that consisted one of the girls I have danced before in Zoukout 2014. I understood her predicament however, I insisted on going because the guys there were my best friends and I have absolutely no interest in dealing with the girls there because I’m more interested in the music and raving. She raged on, and I reluctantly followed her instead. Throughout the festival, she continued her tantrums by complaining about the heat and warmth in the middle of the crowd and reported that she was dehydrated. Frantically, I rushed her outside the scene and brought her to the water cooler. She was relieved and her tantrums started again evem when I thought I could rave again. I was indecisive of what drinks to buy and she grew so irritated of me and frowned throughout the whole performance. And foolishly, I kept quiet and when friends asked me about us, I lied to them and defended her: ” She was just irritated because of the heat. I went to take care of her and she became alright. “

Foolish isn’t it? Why didn’t I speak out?

As time goes by, things start to rampant up as she grew more and more intolerant of small matters such as not calling her before sleep.

That night, I was having urgent family matters and so I couldn’t call. She hurled sarcastic remarks at me and I had to deal with both family matters and her. I was so distraught.. I was lost, and I shed a few tears that night and put up some depressing Tweets on Twitter. And once again, I didn’t tell her about my misery.

You must be wondering how stupid I was right?

As months go by, I was in a distraught once again. Her egoistic, obnoxious and dominant personality kept overwhelming me. I explained my predicament to my close friends (John, Ben) and they insisted me on breaking up because I wasn’t happy. However, I kept on fooling myself that I was appreciating her good sides and loving for who she is.

Things start to change, John (my best dude) quarrelled with her. It was so heated up and it ended up both of them ending their friendship. I was stuck in the middle .. unsure of what to do.. eventually, both of them hated each other and .. I stood there feeling lost again.

NOTE TO GIRLS/WOMEN: Never ever quarrel or let your egoistic head get over you when in a heated up arguement with your date’s best friend. If this happens, you are immediately out of the date’s list. (Apparently I didn’t  break up with her because I really loved her)

Having said so much .. what happened to both of us in the end?

She was continuing her ways; being so obnoxious, and our relationship got really toxic in such a way that I couldn’t be or act like myself in the relationship. I had to be another person, and it made me really uncomfortable.

That day before Halloween..

I brought her to a scary scene in Bugis Plus and I treated her to tickets there (because I wanted to cheer her up even tho I wasn’t sure what she was unhappy about). We had dinner and we sat down on a bench before entering.

That night was a Friday night. Routine wise, both of us would meet every Saturday night and so that Friday night, she was asking if I would be able to meet her the next day (Saturday) as it was our routine meet up. However, I told her I would be meeting Ben since he was out from confinement and I felt I needed a catch up with him, not only that, I asked if I could meet her another day since I would be engaged at Zouk Halloween after meeting Ben in the afternoon. She immediately raged, because she knew that same girl that I danced with on ZoukOut 2014 would be going as well. She started fuming mad and argued: ” You didn’t even bother to spend time with me and now you are going to Zouk with that girl? ”

For fuck sake, after like 8 months together.. can’t you realise I ain’t no fuckboy? And I was and am a true fans of EDM, I go Zouk solely for the music. Lastly, I am not even going to dance with that girl because I wouldn’t be hanging out her in the first place. FOR FUCK SAKE, WHY WOULD I HANG OUT WITH A GIRL WHEN I WAS ATTACHED? WHERE WAS YOUR TRUST IN ME?!

I told her that and she kept frowning and gave me the silent treatment.

HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIN.

Throughout the whole Halloween event, we stayed quiet and awkward and I kept asking her if she was alright. She gave me the silent treatment and I was mentally and emotionally tortured for 45 mins until the last straw and I told her: Lets go home. I sent her back to Serangoon mrt and make her go back on her own. I WAS so mad… and I thought.. of John’s words:

Carry out decision which makees you happy. Your happiness is your priority.

I tried to break up with her but it was unsuccessful. She came to my residences and persuaded not to because she will ” change “(OH WOW) Being a soft-hearted and easily guilt trip kinda man, I accepted her apology and we got back together.

However, that didn’t last long..

1 week later, the same thing happened again. It was John’s birthday and she invited the same girl I danced with in Zoukout 2014.

She somehow knew about this and kept asking me if she was coming. I told her she was coming .. and here we go fucking go again; hurling sarcastic remarks at me. It was the exact same words: Yeah, go have fun and not worry about me. YES I WILL GO HAVE FUN AND NOT WORRY ABOUT YOU BECAUSE ALL YOU DID WAS TO HURL SARCASTIC COMMENTS AND NOT UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE SITUATION.

It was John’s birthday. I was in no position in demanding who not to invite and he is my best friend, how could I not attend his party?!

And the next day, I broke up with her and there she went again, trying to persuade me not to. I was strong at my will, and rejected her apology this time round. Strangely at the end of the whole trilogy, she left off fuming mad and I was like: ” Bruh, you didn’t know how delightful I was to get out of this misery. ”

In all fairness, I wished her all the best and I really hope you could find somebody who can appreciate you.

There are 2 points to take away from these

1st Point is.. everybody has a battle to fight. Mine was family matters, and when I was settling some family matters, you chose run salt onto my wound by throwing tantrums. A girlfriend should understand that family is the first and foremost on our priority list hierachy. Why would you give me so much trouble when you knew I have alot to settle at home? Why? Why can’t you understand me more? Why did you have to pick on my insecurities and negative traits? What kind of girlfriend does that? Why didnt you realise how mentally taxing that was?

 

2nd point is..

You guys might wonder why I was so foolish not to speak out my predicaments to her?

I loved her.. and I am afraid my comments might hurt her and she gets even angrier. (Fuck, why would I care about these? A person should improve oneself and apparently she was too stubborn to do so).

I do not like to engage in conflicts, I gave in too much and I apologised too much.. Aplogised too much ( even at stuffs that I wasn’t in the wrong – thats what you always do for love) so those are my excuses as well ..

After all these drama.. it was long over.

Dear Sally,

I hope you see this and at the same time, I hope you really think about this and find somebody else who can appreciate you. It was great knowing you even tho you appeared in my life for 9 months. Thanks to you, I have changed, to a much stronger and wiser homosapien. Adios.

Your regards,

Kaixian